Live Wire

I ran into an old friend the other day at gathering. An old lover, to be specific - though that term moans with some sultry sentiment. She is of the omni-feeling, uber honest type. To be a little detached, I might say per formatively honest (but that would be the suspicious person in my head, who has the face of some internet troller).

I am always impressed by her, in part because of her leaving out the axiom of speaking what is real but unsaid to make it manifest (Czesław Miłosz’s “What is unpronounced tends to nonexistence."), and, also in part because what she says is very flattering towards me. The first time we met, and our first night together, meant a lot to her - as she says, because of my generosity, and kindness. She had been going through some hard times - is often going through hard times. Little things - things I would never have taken note of - like listening very well, and making sure she had a seat at the table at the bar when she got there later than the rest of the crew, left a deep impression on her, which she never fails to mention in the few times I’ve seen her over the past few years.

She is a lively person - exuberantly joyful and dedicated to positivity, which is the flip side of her wild sadness. She doesn’t live in an emotional calm world - life itself is a big question to her. She kept leaning over to my ear at the bar, always shifting from topic-driven conversation to meta-what-am-I-doing-right-now-as-I-talk-to-you conversation, asking me if her behavior towards behaving towards life like this, or giving absolute attention to her boyfriend like this, is sane/insane.

One thing she discussed (she is great at passionate monologues) is generosity and commitment.

She tried to make clear for me, when she bought me a drink, the joy of being consciously generous, and described and articulated ways I was generous - with my presence, coming to this celebration, ect.. She believes in training our minds to be conscious of others’ generosity as well as out own. Which goes into the next topic…

Commitment. She articulated an idea of relationships that I often think about, as a move from short relationship to short relationship, and that is the Practice of loving somebody. In some sense, it’s a mutual lifting yourselves up by your bootstraps agreement, but also a way of altering one’s perception, and refocusing on positive attributes when negative one’s are finally noticed. In this way, it is way to foster deeper a understanding of people. 

There’s more to say, but not now. Humanity - a live wire, or one sheathed and quieted in polyethylene.